The signals we look for.

Attempts to move faster than trust has been established.

• • Pushing for a phone number too early
• • Moving off-app immediately
• • Pressure to meet quickly

Language that tells you what to do, how to act, or how to qualify.

• • 'You need to be...'
• • 'Do not message me unless...'
• • 'Send me your number'

Kindness or decency framed as something you must earn.

• • 'Respect me and I will respect you'
• • 'Treat me right and I will treat you right'

Assumptions that you owe attention, access, emotional labor, or responsiveness.

• • 'Where did you go?'
• • 'Guess you are too busy for me'

Expectation that you will fix, soothe, motivate, or rehabilitate them.

• • 'Looking for someone to make me better'
• • 'I need a woman who brings me peace'

Sexualization that is early, abrupt, unrelated, or boundary-testing.

• • Comments about your body
• • Asking for photos
• • Turning normal topics sexual

Grandiose, exceptionalist, 'not like other people' self-presentation.

• • 'I am one of a kind'
• • 'Most people cannot handle me'

Profiles that read like a personal brand deck or sales pitch.

• • Long lists of achievements
• • Marketing-style language

Time and attention framed as a prize.

• • 'I am busy but will make time for the right person'
• • 'Can you keep up?'

Hints of drama or instability framed as personality.

• • 'I am a lot'
• • 'Handle me at my worst'

Profiles dominated by complaints, warnings, or hostile exclusions.

• • 'No drama'
• • 'No liars'
• • 'All my exes were crazy'

Spiritual or healing language used to prescribe behavior.

• • 'Be soft'
• • 'Bring me peace'
• • 'High vibration only'

Militarized, conspiratorial, extremist, or domination-oriented language.

• • 'Defend what is mine'
• • Weapons obsession
• • Violent metaphors

Language that feels generic, AI-like, over-polished, or cliche-heavy.

• • Vague claims with no lived examples
• • Interchangeable phrases

Talks only about themselves without curiosity about you.

• • Long lists of demands
• • Little evidence of mutuality

Blame-shifting, victim-only narratives, refusal to own behavior.

• • 'People always misunderstand me'
• • 'I just tell it like it is'

Disrespectful language around race, gender, age, body, disability, or class.

• • Body-shaming
• • Ageist or racialized exclusions

Vague or deniable language that pressures while allowing plausible denial.

• • 'You know what I mean'
• • 'Just joking... unless?'

What happens after you say no, slow down, or set a limit.

• • Respectful repair lowers risk
• • Guilt-tripping raises risk

One person doing all the questions, restarts, or emotional work.

• • Only one person asks questions
• • Only one person restarts the thread

Warmth, hostility, sarcasm, contempt, impatience, or escalation across time.

• • Tone shift after a boundary
• • Rising impatience

Language establishing hierarchy, control, ownership, or superiority.

• • 'I will teach you'
• • 'I need someone submissive'

Threats, stalking, coercion, blackmail, refusal to accept no, requests for money or images.

• • Threats or intimidation
• • Pressure to meet privately
• • Requests for money

Blank profiles, 'just ask,' 'I'll fill this in later,' very short bios, empty prompts, or obvious minimum effort.

• • 'Just ask'
• • Empty prompts
• • One-line bios

Ambiguous or contradictory intent about what they are looking for.

• • 'Just seeing what's out there'
• • 'Long-term, open to casual'
• • Both casual and serious selected

Overused stock phrases that reveal little about the person.

• • 'Partner in crime'
• • 'Ride or die'
• • 'Open book'
• • 'Living life to the fullest'

Whether the profile gives concrete material to start a conversation.

• • 'Ask me anything' as the whole bio
• • No mentioned interests

Concrete lived examples versus vague labels.

• • 'Highway 1 to Santa Cruz with The Cure' vs 'long drives'
• • 'Ambitious weeknight cooking' vs 'foodie'

Spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization, typos, text-speak, sloppy formatting.

• • All lowercase, no punctuation
• • Repeated typos
• • Text-speak abbreviations

Indirect sexual hints, innuendo, or suggestive framing.

• • 'Cuddle'
• • 'Physical touch is my love language'
• • 'Open-minded'
• • Suggestive emojis

Unclear divorce/separation status, fake-feeling names, age fudging, missing location or intent.

• • 'Recently separated'
• • No location
• • No relationship status

Lists of what the person does NOT want; grievance-heavy exclusions.

• • 'No drama'
• • 'No scammers'
• • 'No single moms'

Hierarchy, resentment, or adversarial gender framing.

• • 'High value'
• • 'King looking for queen'
• • 'What do you bring to the table'
• • 'Females'

Warmth, vulnerability, kindness, humor, openness, and relational readiness.

• • Openly names what they care about
• • Invites rather than evaluates

Whether openers reference the recipient's profile vs generic copy-paste.

• • 'Hi beautiful'
• • 'How's your day'
• • 'I saw you love karaoke — what song gets you to the mic?'

Whether each side asks meaningful questions and returns conversational energy.

• • Two-word answers
• • No return questions
• • One-sided interviewing

Inconsistent starts, ghosty behavior, asking to chat and disappearing.

• • Gaps of days after 'let's talk soon'
• • Repeated no-shows

Contradictions between the written profile and photos.

• • 'Non-smoker' with cigarette in photo
• • No face photo despite 'open book'

Image choices that raise safety, judgment, or credibility questions.

• • Kids' faces shown
• • Guns / dead animals
• • Bathroom mirror only
• • Hats & sunglasses in every photo

Clear signals around hobbies, values, politics, religion, substances, activity level.

• • Names hunting, gym life, activism, travel
• • Explicit substance preferences

AI-sounding text, trying too hard, generic polished 'profile consultant' energy.

• • Perfectly balanced tricolons
• • Generic 'best self' phrasing

Cues around responsibility vs man-child / chaos framing.

• • 'Must not take life too seriously'
• • 'I'm a lot'
• • 'Need someone to handle me'

Healthy flexibility versus 'open to anything / whatever happens'.

• • 'Open to anything'
• • 'I'll take what I can get'

Prescriptive physical/aesthetic demands or partner-as-role casting.

• • 'Fit and sexy only'
• • Dress-code preferences
• • Body-type demands

Early requests for personal info, address pressure, security-question-style prompts, unsafe disclosure.

• • Asks for full name / employer early
• • Pushes for home address

Playful/heartfelt/human versus cold, job-listing, checklist-based tone.

• • Reads like a job posting
• • Checklist of requirements with no self-disclosure

Real quirks, humor, passions, and specificity versus bland copy-paste presentation.

• • Names a niche obsession
• • Uses their own voice, not templated phrases